ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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