It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
