Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
