I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
