So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
