Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
