He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My vagina is very pro this idea
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
