I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
