I accidentally had phone sex last night
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
