I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
love makes seman taste better
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
