can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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