Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
