I puked a lego.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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