Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
