What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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