i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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