please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
