My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Pooping to opera.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
