Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
