you traded sex for a burrito?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Randomize