Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
