are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
A+ Viking dick
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
