my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
