you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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