its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
