Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
