a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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