Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
