One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
