i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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