why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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