I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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