it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize