He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
