When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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