TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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