id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
