I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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