i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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