Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
cat food counts as protein by the way
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
