Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
