So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Two words: nipple clamps
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