Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize