shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
