What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
