I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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