my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
