My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
