Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
operation harelip BJ is a go
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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