I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
