I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
