I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dear god my vagina.
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