Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
