weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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