I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
