good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
