would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
