he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
