She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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