You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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