dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
