What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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