if i can run in heels then i can drive
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
