omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
