Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
