Cold hands, warm shart.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
