OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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