All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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