Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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