too bad you live with your parents still
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
