I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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