yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
