FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
