Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
