In the future we'll all be gay
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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