so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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