how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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