He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
