he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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