i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
