why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
