I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
