so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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