Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
