Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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