HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize