this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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