I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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