he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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