Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
