Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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