i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
