Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
