You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
