I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
