that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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