You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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