So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
