Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
