You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
