Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
