I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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