you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
