the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
