i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
